People may associate it with me.

What a great song. Did you see that?! Cook a cat! This was said to a self-defence expert who was trying to show the broadcaster how to defend himself. '”, “Never, never criticise Muslims. It was a perfect storm of no sleep, no wife, and angry brushes whirring towards me. He doesn't like that.

And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said ‘I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.’ Straight away you’ve got them by the jaffas.”, “If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plow the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.”, “I’m gonna hump ya. The Bottle Cap Challenge: Which top celebrities have done it already? For fans of dark humour, Alan Partridge quotes can always guarantee a good laugh. As what Marcus Aurelius said: “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive … He must have a foot like a traction engine! By the time the giant hair dryer came on, I was in the footwell. But this isn't Britain...This is der Autobahn!

This quote was in reference to the up and down motion used during lovemaking. Quite detailed.

Nevertheless, nice song.”, “There’s never any graffiti in the hotel. Like Deputy Dog… would hump ya.”, “Tough one! yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!… That, was a goal! I think the Irish are going through a major image change. Alan Partridge is a fictional character portrayed by English comedian Steve Coogan. As long as you’ve not been a NOW TV subscriber in the past, you can binge Mid Morning Matters and enjoy I’m Alan Partridge for the next fortnight.

In true Partridge fashion, this joke is also quite dark.

What a great song.

And I don’t want to end up with the tea-drinking equivalent of AIDS. As long as you’ve not been a NOW TV subscriber in the past, you can binge Mid Morning Matters and enjoy I’m Alan Partridge for the next fortnight. Sh*t!!

But if you told me 25 years ago that I would be talking about rigid inflatable hulls with Dale Winton I would probably have spat at you. Alan Partridge was never afraid to make fun of anything. Nevertheless, nice song. This is true.

Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars.

Only Christians. I’m one of the anti-cancer set.

Titanic is known for being a tragedy, and no one ever talks about the good times that they experienced before the ship sunk. In 1991, Steve Coogan created his alter ego character, Alan Gordon Partridge, for the BBC Radio 4 show On the Hour. Top one!” “You’re listening to North Norfolk Digital. Alan Partridge's catchphrase was voted number 84 in Channel 4’s 100 Best Catchphrases. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. Which is French for water. Sh*t!! Partly it’s because the man is eminently, hilariously quotable. A detective series based in Norwich called "Swallow". Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box. Two fat ladies, 88! It encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? The power of positive thinking and positive self-talk is profound.

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Inner-city Sumo With Alan Partridge. Alan Partridge on Mid Morning Matters…” “If a young person were to see Wayne Rooney driving along with his wife, or a sexy hooker, in a bling bling car, they may well say, “Oooh look Rain Wooney. It is considered taboo to make fun of war and people who have experienced the horrors of war and torture. And Jews a little bit.”, “I’m 47; my girlfriend’s 33. she’s 14 years younger than me. Sky broadcast his further adventures Mid Morning Matters and Alan Partridge’s Scissored Isles (also available on NOW TV) earlier this year. Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. I've got a girlfriend, she's only 33.

Earlier on I put in a pound of mashed up Dundee cake, let’s take a look… not a trace! No one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse.

Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off! We are having a hoedown. What better way to start each morning that reading some highly motivational quotes. “Lynn’s a good worker, but I suppose she’s a bit like Burt Reynolds. The proof is in the pudding, and the pudding, in this case, is football. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head, and saying, “Look at me, I’m a giant witch.”, I’ve got a couple of kids. As far as I'm concerned, Neil Diamond will always be King of the Jews. You wake up in the morning, you’ve got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you’ve got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you just think ‘Sunday, bloody Sunday! Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary.

Although in the Gents a couple of weeks a go I did see someone had drawn a lady’s part.